Depression and suicide among pastors



After two pastors committed suicide in the last couple of days, I had to share my testimony publicly. I do this, not with the intention of placing doubt in your hearts or changing your faith.

But I do it for the sake of lives. I’m not afraid of exposure or criticism, but I need to talk. I cannot, before the Spirit of Truth, hide what He did with me this week.

I have been a Christian for 12 years; I converted in 2006. Years passed, and I endured many things that conflicted my faith.

So, by “revelation of God,” I decided to enroll in a theology course and became a pastor, though I want to be very clear that this institution had nothing to do with the problem. Unknowingly, though I was not delivered, I was taking long strides to utter perdition.

I thought my problems were a desert, tests or things of the sort, like they taught me.

But over time, I realized it was something serious, something that many say is a lack of faith. I had severe depression, with a strong desire to commit suicide.

Until a few days ago, I was constantly attacked by this desire to die.

I learned about the faith of the Universal Church 4 years ago, as a pastor, and it was a shock when I manifested with a demon during a meeting. My conscience was far; my body was trembling and shivering (very similar to the Pentecostal experience), I felt like my body was catching on fire and I was drooling, breathing heavily, feeling a great hate.
I had no control over my body.

When it was all over, I found myself on the Altar of God being interviewed by a bishop and not understanding what had just happened.

Little did I know that the truth had been revealed, the devil had manifested in tongues (yes, in tongues), and the worst part is that what used me wasn’t the Holy Ghost, but a deceiving spirit. I didn’t have the seal of God like I thought I did and I was praying for people with demons and these demons were coming into my life. There were thousands of demons acting in my body, destroying me spiritually, physically and financially – in all areas of my life.

The voice in my head, which commanded me all the time through the revelations, told me that I was in a land of heresies and that they were putting demons in me.

I accepted this lie from hell.
I left the Universal Church and continued to “preach.”

This was the biggest mistake of my life. Little by little, as I prayed for people and preached, my life was being destroyed, to the point where all the doors in my life closed. I lost everything, and the main thing: my dignity.

Until one day, after being apart from everything that had to do with the Universal Church, I was at home. As I sat at my computer, typing up another message for my website, I was overcome with a huge desire to go to the Universal Church. This happened on a Saturday.
I was not reluctant and went. When I arrived, alone, I learned the meeting was for those who had fallen away from the faith. When the pastor called forward all those who had brought a guest and the people they invited, I went alone because God Himself had brought me back (today I know this for sure). When the assistant prayed over me, I manifested again.

It was as if a movie played out in my mind, and I revolted against those filthy, deceitful spirits. I decided to remove all doubt and accept the true faith in God.

I was demon-possessed, not the assistants or the pastors who were putting demons in me. Everything became clear!
The Israel Challenge came around and I went in with my all!!

And here I am, free from that death wish, seeking the Spirit of God. I left my ministry, started from scratch, with humbleness and certain that we must first have a foundation and the real Holy Spirit to do His work.
And second, LOTS OF COURAGE TO ADMIT your flaws, pride, ego. Not to be a victim of suicide.

I felt exactly how a suicidal person feels. And, frankly, if it were not for my pastors and assistants, I would not be here, alive, writing to you.

Believe me, I would not have lived past last year!
If I didn’t die, it was because of my sincerity and humbleness before God.

Nobody paid me to manifest, if they had paid me I would be rich… but I lived in misery all these years, trying to eat away my problems. I gained over 80 lbs. and was rejected by everyone, because I rejected the truth and allowed doubt to dominate me.

For this reason, my pastor friends… who are reading this at the moment and are still reluctant, accepting the suffering as a divine test or something of the sort, be sincere: What will you profit if you gain the whole world and lose your own soul??
Do not play with the devil; a title does not save anyone.
God bless you all!
Collaborated by: Ex-pastor Ana Claudia Mendes

Bishop Edir Macedo
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4 thoughts on “Depression and suicide among pastors”

  1. Thank u bishop for sharing these strong message.This should be an eye opener among us who sometime s doubt the church,I have been attending universal church since from 2001 in heilbron free state,til today and worst of all before there was no church in heilbron and it was only special meetings.My heart is broken as I was invited by 2 friends of mine who are no longer attending the church now,what painful is one of them got raised in witbank while we got the jog in standerton and pray for him to calm down and not allowing pride spirit to control him and I wish he can come back to church as he is struggling,I now stay in Pretoria,I have a permanent government job,a house and a car that I don’t owe so Bishop may God continue to use you and our sisters and brothers eyes may be open.

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