How to fight and end up in kissing

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If we presented you with some options concerning what you would like to happen after a fight between you and your partner, which one would you choose?

a) Nothing was resolved
b) Hearts broken and torn to pieces
c) Both of you upset and silent 
d) Issue resolved and love kisses

Certainly, all would go for option “d”, since it’s the most sensible and pleasing.
However, what must one do to end a fight with the problem solved and kissing?

You must be aware of these five points:

1 – Understand why and what you’re fighting about. Many people start arguing about something, and then completely shift the focus from the subject. They end up forgetting what the argument is about. That happens because subjects about the past and other issues that have nothing to do with the fight are brought up. Many couples start complaining about something and end up arguing about something totally different; this is why one must keep in mind the main subject and stay focused on it. Define and discuss one specific subject. For instance: if it’s about an unnecessary expense, you will only talk about that. Do not mention anything about the children nor skip the subject to the mother-in-law, the boss or bring up something that happened a long time ago.

2 – Remember you have two ears and one mouth. Pay attention to what the other person is saying instead of creating arguments to defend yourself. Try to understand why he or she is feeling that way. If their complaints are not properly heard, you will not be able to understand the issue; therefore, it won’t be resolved. This is why it’s crucial that you hear more and talk less. Even if at first you do not agree with what the other person is saying, try to understand and put yourself in their shoes.

3 – Do not say everything you feel or think. Many vent their feelings and thoughts about their partner with the excuse that “they need to open their heart” or “they’re just being sincere”, but by doing so, they end up hurting the one they love. All of us have bad feelings and thoughts when we’re angry, but we don’t have to unload this “brain fart” on our partner. After all, what is the most appropriate thing to do when you have gas, passing it in front others or getting away from everyone and deal with it your way? Just like this last option, we must manage and get rid of bad feelings and thoughts without hurting others.

4 – Attack the problem, not the person. In a fight, one must understand who the enemy is. Your enemy is not the person you love, but the problem that’s hurting both of you. Therefore, instead of making negative remarks about each other, saying he’s this or she’s that, talk about the problem. For instance, instead of calling him rude, say that you did not like the way he talked to you. That way, you’re highlighting the problem: the “way” to talk, without attacking the person.

5 – Agree on what each one will do from then on. The fight isn’t over and the issue isn’t resolved until both have agreed on what they’re going to do about it. It’s about making a deal. After all, for the situation not to repeat itself, you must do something different from what you were doing up to now. You must agree on each other’s role. After the agreement, hugs and kisses will follow.

Since disagreements are inevitable, we wish you all good kissing!

By Bishop Renato Cardoso

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